My Critique of Lalanda's Poems

My Critique of Lalanda's Poems

-After The Storm

I really like this poem. I could imagine it being published in a children's book. The ending was unexpected and made me laugh. There are three things I would like to point out. In the first stanza, it is mentioned that the scene was "tidy and complete", what exactly you mean by that? I suggest using more accurate adjectives. Also, why do that the horses and pigs smelt sweet? In the end Miss Branchwood is set "free" in what way?

-Bird Baths

This poem makes me imagine a lazy summer evening at a Southern cottage. Nice use of imagery. My favorite line is "the chirp instantly satisfied her longing for a baby." I can't detect any errors in this poem except the line where it is mentioned that the grass "echoed" the sound of crops? What exactly does that mean? How does grass echo a sound?

-Beach Treat

The part of the poem I love the most is when you described Aunt Ida's food (the chargrilled potatoes wrapped in bamboo leaves. the chocolate turnip pie, the blue deviled eggs). I wish there was a more detailed description of Aunt Ida (did she have a hairy brown mole on her left cheek? Was a gold bedazzled bingo hat nestled on top of her curly red locks? Did her wrinkles remind you of sagging flesh? ) I love the imagery throughout this poem (e.g. the hot sand slithering through your toes, the sun blistering your back)

My Critique of Bret Tolar's Short Story

Great, great story! Where do I start? The details of the character with the drug abuse problem was riveting. (face sunken inward, yellowish brown teeth. I love how you jump right into in the story and stray from using mundane details. I like how internal conflict was developed within the main character (the hunt for the pipe crack, debating whether to ask her husband if he was still using, deciding to tell the kids or not, problems with her own parents). Very strong climax; Idid not want this story to end.

My Critique of Monica's Short Story

I loved every bit of this story. You should include a description of Mr. Calvin (did her wear big framed glasses or have a bushy curly black mustache? ) I wish you would tell the readers why the main character has her shield up (against guys) in the first place. Also, there was one point when you went off topic. It aas the point when you were talking about Mr. Calvin and then you started to talk about an expensive hotel. Other than the corrections mentioned above, there is nothing bad to say about this story.

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