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Life Case

Essay by   •  January 31, 2012  •  Essay  •  855 Words (4 Pages)  •  1,473 Views

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First Off, please don't misundertand anything I write in the following text as fake or exagerated for the purpose of attention. With that in mind, I sincerely thank any and all who decide to take the time to read this.

I don't know how to introduce the idea behind what I'm about to say so I'm just going to jump right into it. I cried today. I cried to the point where I couldn't breathe. I cried because after hours and hours of thinking, I came to the realization that in the 16 years I've been alive, not once have I made the effort to understand myself. I cried because I came to the realization that the life I have been living, the person I have chosen to be really isn't anything like the person or life I want at all. It's an illusion. I havn't been the person I want to be, the person I should be because I've instilled in me the idea of impossible to the point where I never even tried to make myself, my life, or my future what I truly want it to be. Impossible is something we trick ourselves into believing when we're afraid, alone or uncertain. Three things I have chosen to accept and base myself on only because I truly believed in idea that the future I saw myself in was impossible. I have chosen to isolate myself from beautiful and compassionate people because I was afraid I didn't belong with them. I made myself feel alone because I felt like I wasn't a good enough person to be a true friend or let someone be a friend to me. I've always given up and felt uncertain about life and who I was because I convinced myself that the life, the future I wanted, the person I wanted to be was impossible. That I was wasting away my life picturing myself doing things that love, that I want to do because I didn't fit the requirements that those things had. As a culminated result of these things, I've been living a life and being a person to everyone I've ever known that I now know is not me. I let my surroundings, my circumstances and of course, the idea of impossible dictate me completely. I cried about all of these things. Hours and hours of thinking and after a certain amount of time it just felt like a nightmare that I willingly chose to make my reality. If anyone is reading this, I really do honestly thank you for it. Truly, it makes a huge difference knowing someone like you cares enough about someone like me to bother trying to undertand wht I'm attempting to convey in this writing. I know that probably many of the people I know have been honest with themselves their entire life and don't think about these kinds of things. That's something I desperatley want to be. Honest with myself. That's why I'm making this public, that's why I'm putting this out there for everyone to see. Because everything I just wrote about me, the person I've been, the life

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