The Pain of the Widow

The Pain of the Widow

An elderly woman speaking to a therapist after losing her husband to death caused by cerebrovascular disease. She is reluctant to share her feelings with this therapist because of her understanding and belief that they can in no way undo the effects of death, nor relinquish her pain.

Do you think that you can help? You can't help me! Can you undo the effects of death? Can you take away the pain and hurt that I feel in my heart? This- this heaviness! It sure is a heavy burden to bear. You sit all high and mighty in your chair as if by doing so you can somehow change the world with your hands behind your back. Do you really even care? Do you think because of have a Ph.D and a framed certificate that you magically know what I'm feeling! I can imagine that this is only another pay check for you to maintain your extravagant lifestyle filled with happy endings. Can you begin to fathom that feeling when the person you spent the majority of your life with after fifty years just isn't there anymore? When you wake up in the morning cold and lonely and the only thing you have left of that person are memories? As close the bones are to the skin we were. Johann and I...we used to do everything together. So close we were that we could finish each other's sentences. We could look into each other's eyes and sense when the other was hurting, or in pain. I can remember when we were young- maybe about sixteen or seventeen- he would often come over to run errands for my mum, or to bring over eggs in case we ran out, even though he had brought two dozen the day prior. Oh...how obvious he was. The day we fell in love felt as though all the cracks in my life had been patched up and reassembled. He taught me how to accept love which I had vowed never to do after my parents' divorce, but...I guess he was the only exception. No longer could I spend my life hiding my heart away. I had definitely fallen through the trapdoor of his undeniable charm and wit. We grew together, learned together, laughed together, cried together...we had even planned to die together! But I guess he beat me to it, huh? That Johann was always one for competition. My heart cries out for him. How quickly joy can turn to sorrow...so quickly. I believe it to be an injustice that Johann was snatched from me. Law went numb, and justice failed to come forth! I try to remain cool, calm, and collected, but I can't seem to hide these dark feelings within me. How can I hide them? You know, I have always been a big fan of happily, ever afters. How though, can I achieve mine without my Prince Charming. So much for my happy ending. You don't understand do you? Not even a portion the size of a mustard grain. I guess now I've made a decision. I'm going with my husband! He always seems to understand me.

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